You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
