I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
