Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
