your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
