Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
