So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
