HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
