This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
