your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
