ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
