be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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