I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Randomize
