I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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