I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
