the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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