I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I had to cum in my sink.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
