God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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