My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
