i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
