one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I love you. Go after that dick
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