So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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