He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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