I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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