Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
where are you?
Hypothermia
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
