All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
