yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
