i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
