She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
