she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
