So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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