I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I need water and some morals
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
