I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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