Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
this is an emotional support booty call
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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