Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
