found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
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