I just gift wrapped bread.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
