I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
