I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
