Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
