She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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