Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
