feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
