Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
