My first STD was from a foam party
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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