I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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