I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Everything about him screamed your future.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
