Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
