you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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