dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
