your parents love me but you hate me
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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