i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize