When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize