Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
