The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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