Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
