I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
