So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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