First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
