At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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