life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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