she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
