I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
