After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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