Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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