My Higher Power is John Stamos
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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